You caught my eye...

You caught my eye…

Some articles, blogposts and videos I stumbled on this week that made me think (or laugh, or cry or say heck yes)

Maybe leisure time is a feminist issue? – Do women work so that men can have leisure time?

Motherhood Boredom – a typical toddlerish day.

Rachel Held Evans friday feature: Megan DeFranza – Megan discusses intersex persons and the Gospel. Very thought provoking and refreshing thoughts.

Physical vs. Cognitive Stages of Motherhood – two perspectives – Fascinating. I think I’m somewhere in the middle… But I’m really excited about the cognitive stage!

Let kids make mistakes when they help around the house (let them help around the house 🙂 I love this article. I know that the book/movie Matilda does not show the most ideal parents for a little girl *in fact quite the opposite* but I always love when she makes herself pancakes and takes care of herself. I also loved reading the book Bringing up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman for this very reason – one aspect of French parenting/the crèche is teaching children important skills and they are very high functioning members of the family by age 5-6!

Bob Dylan (Jimmy Fallon) sings Hotline Bling – need I say more?

I don’t know if you’re a Spotify user, but one of the cool things they do is create a playlist for you every week called Discover Weekly based on what you listen to throughout the week. This week was spot on for me. I’m a sucker for new and old music, but this is one by the Wings that I had never heard before! Check out Let ‘Em In for a chill weekend jam.

Peace –

 

 

 

Motherhood

Insomnia and Insanity

Let me tell you how I feel about sleep.

I love it. It makes me a nicer person. Please give me 8 hours + a night and I will be a better person for it. I think I have pulled two all nighters (not including labor – lets be honest – those are different kind of all nighters) my entire life, and I felt wretched for days as I recovered from the lack of sleep. Naps are also a glorious thing. Period. Sleep is wonderful.

In year two of my daughter’s life, I was anticipating more and better sleep than I had the previous two years. Although pregnancy lends itself to exhaustion (creating a small human and all) – feeling good, not peeing every two hours and finding a comfortable position to sleep in, can be a challenge. Everyone knows that year one is a haze, even if you have a miracle baby that sleeps through the night at month 2. So yes, I was excited as baby girl got older and began sleeping in larger chunks.

Tangent: Year 1 for baby girl was actually pretty good for sleep (please don’t hate me). We breastfed and did the every two hour feed thing for a while. We did a stint with a co-sleeper side car. And then at month four sleep regression, we moved her out to her own room, discovered a fantastic contraption called a zipadeezip and my partner and I eventually slept in the same bed together at month 6. I think that all of this didn’t seem so bad because we went 6 days or so without sleep while laboring and in the hospital after a c-section. So when I finally got in our own bed, not pregnant, sans IV, without wonderful (though persistent, and if we can be honest, a little annoying) nurses checking in on me – any sleep seemed glorious. My partner was also amazing – after paternity leave, he still insisted on changing her diaper multiple times at night and handing her over to be nursed.

All this being said – I love to sleep. It is a glorious and very important thing.

Tangent 2: I recently saw a friend (who just had a baby) post this article from themotherish.com – We are torturing new mothers and then wondering why they get mentally ill. – a fascinating read on how sleep deprivation is used as a torturing tool and we need to find better ways as a culture to support new moms. YES. I have lots of thoughts on getting lost in year 1 and how we need community and support and change for mums. To be continued.

So a month or two ago, baby girl decided she was done and weaned completely. I knew it was coming. I was ok with it. For the most part… But now we’ve entered back into “the cycle” and the hormones are unlevel again, and its all weird and mixed up in there. Pregnancy, birth, nursing and mothering – its a wild ride y’all. This, coupled with the anxiety and nerves of traveling with an infant and Christmas, and the night before our trip – I just laid there. I thought – SLEEP. SLEEP. I counted. I tried to relax all parts of my body starting with my small toe. I took a shower. At 4:30, I got up and watched old Doctor Who episodes because I thought I was going to lose my mind. At 6, I woke up my daughter and tried to mentally prepare myself to travel across the country without any sleep.

I did it. And I was a fairly decent person. I was also not alone – my partner was there and he had slept and he was great. We get there. That night I lay down. And I think – SLEEP. SLEEP. At 4:00 I go downstairs at my MIL’s house and fall asleep (THANK GOD) on the couch for 4 hours.

And since then it has been touch and go with this sleep thing. It’s a strange beast. I have never struggled with sleep – I’ve always been one of those – lay in bed, think about my day, go make sure the door’s locked, lay back down and pass out kind of people (15 minutes tops). And now, every couple of days I have these bouts of insomnia and I feel a little off kilter for a few days as I pull myself out of the hole that is exhaustion (+anxiety +depression +hormones). Side note: feeling great today. Two nights of actual decent night sleep and I feel like a new person.

So I’m not pushing it, y’all. I’m asking for help, I’m giving myself grace, and I fortunately have an encouraging partner, a few good friends and time to take a nap here and there and grab a coffee to tie me over.

All this to say 3 or 4 things.

  • Being a parent is hard.
  • Go reach out to a new or not so new mom. They could use a coffee. Or a pizza. Or a hug.
  • I’m so sorry if you suffer from chronic insomnia. Yowza. Ask for help, loves.
  • Give yourself some grace.

I think thats a big part of where I’m at right now. Learning what to let slide and what to focus in on. Giving myself grace on accomplishing all of the “things” and learning how to take care of myself so that I can take care of others. Not a common mantra for women unfortunately. And it feels a little weird saying it out loud. It reminds me of this mural I pass every week –

Screen Shot 2016-01-09 at 3.15.42 PM

So on this beautiful Saturday, I encourage you – Take care of yourself, then help others.

Peace –

 

 

 

Introductions

A place to muse

muse/mused/mus·ing

  1. intransitive verb
  2. 1 :  to become absorbed in thought; especially :  to turn something over in the mind meditatively and often inconclusively

  3. 2 archaic :  wonder, marvel

  4. transitive verb
  5. :  to think or say reflectively

I used to write all the time. Mostly about my day and the few things I did here or there. I have journals upon journals of life as an adolescent, embarrassing admissions of crushes and obsessions. More interesting reads on culture and culture shock as I studied abroad. The monotony of a real job and the newness of a marriage. And then I just haven’t been able to write much the last few years. As a kid your life is constantly changing and growing. It doesn’t stop as an adult. But we become more ingrained in routine and expectation. God forbid we stop growing or changing – but we often fight it tooth and nail.
Lately I’ve felt like I actually have opinions about things. Or I want to have opinions on things but need to read and sift more. So that’s my plan for this space. To talk some of it out, to bring some of it up and to engage with others (maybe). Or maybe I’ll just write a lot to myself and hopefully figure a few things out.